This storm* is not easy for me, but I’m going through it with God. But in order to survive it, even flourish because of it, I have given control of the money — I won’t even call it my money — over to God.
I’ve realized that money is a big factor in why I went through this experience with Wright Walker. I kept saying (in the book, and to myself) it’s not about the money. But, ultimately, it is about the money. But, it’s not about Wright and the money, it’s about God and me and money.
It’s about the money, BECAUSE I’ve been trying to control it myself. Now I know God wants control.
God brought me here because I’m now in the place where the money is way beyond my control. If the mountain of debt had been smaller, I might have been able to control it myself. But that’s not what God wants. He wants to be my supply—not only for money, but for everything. He wants me to KNOW that He is my supply and that I need to depend on Him. Trust Him.
Money is the one area of my life where I try to exert control. And now…I have no control. If I did, ever, I’ve given it to God. Each time I try to take it back I have to catch myself and put the money and myself back in God’s hands.
All on the Altar
Absolute Love must decide all your actions. Fear nothing. Ride the storm. Delight to do My Will. Not only money affairs; lay all your letters, your work, all, upon My altar.
Make an offering of each day to Me for the answering of your prayers and for the salvation of My poor world. Subdue every self-thought, utterly, entirely.
God at Eventide: September 24.
Although, in some ways, I had given control over to Him a long time ago. In the area of work coming in, I leave it to the Lord. He is my supply in that area. I rely on him to generate business for me, but I haven’t involved Him very much in how the money goes out. But now I realize I’m even nervous about that at this moment, worrying about whether I’ll get a new project soon enough. There’s that sneaky fear trying to slither its way in.
Be that as it may, I am trusting the Lord. I know He never fails. I know He loves me. He knows I love Him. I know I/we will get through this day by day. He is my supply. He has already taken care of it. I just wait.
But my mind keeps extrapolating out into the “future.” It’s the fear painting dismal pictures. I have to get my mind back to…
God. Jesus. Right Now.
And now. And now…
Sometimes you just have to take it one second at a time…
* Read about “the storm” in Chapter 7 of To Be With You.