Jul 12, 2019
I just had a realization that the Lord gave me this situation, this relationship, if you will, which was totally … I want to say, out of my control, but that’s not true. I was out of control, my own. The Lord showed me what heart and emotions do when not checked by logic and reason. But even more importantly, He showed me what can happen when you’re (I’m) not putting Him first.
There was a point, in July, I think, when I first tried to get a loan from my local bank. I said to the Lord at that time, that if I don’t get the loan I should probably give up the idea of loaning Wright money. Or maybe He said it to me. Either way, I didn’t do it. The loan was declined but I didn’t give up. That started the momentum going forward toward “beaucoup bucks.”
But, ironically, while I was totally out of control with Wright Walker, I was totally under control with my diet. I’ve now reached my goal of 40 lbs. and looking pretty good, for 69. 😉
I’m still trying to understand it. Why such an extreme?
Now that I think about it, I wasn’t really out of control as much as under Wright’s control. I followed his lead. I was swept away. The love just swept me away. But really, most of it was in my head.
But I do now know that part of the reason I fell for Wright was my impulsiveness. The Lord has shown me the pattern of how I behave with men—throughout my life. My lesson: to practice more self-control. But on the other hand, I’m almost 70. I may not need it (with men, anyway). 😉
Maybe that’s why such a big lesson when I was 68…? Better late than never…