The things he said
In the beginning.
Wanting the same things I wanted.
He was interesting.
He was attractive and attracted.
I was hooked.
He was gonna be back
In just a few weeks
Then we’d meet.
But I didn’t wait!
I just fell.
(Crazy I know.
But I’m okay now.)
When I love someone
It means something —
Trust, for one,
And wanting to help
if help is needed.
So when things started
going sideways,
Finance over romance;
Him saying one thing
But circumstances kept contradicting…
I hung in. I gave in…
I gave him
the benefit of the doubt.
When finally I saw
his game for what it was,
Hanging in to the end
Became my game.
My problem is…
All along…
I borrowed money
To play his game.
(I look on the bright side
It’s just banks,
Not loan sharks.
When they’re circling though,
They look a lot alike.)
I called his bluff,
Hand after hand,
Deal after deal,
To finally see his cards—
True or false?
And I did.
I found out
Who he’s not.
Not the man in the pictures.
Irony upon irony in
Who the picture really is.
I loved the man
In the pictures
But he’s not
The man I loved.
The man behind the pictures
Is not him either.
Wright Walker doesn’t exist.
Who then did I love?
I loved Wright Walker,
My imaginary, virtual friend and lover.
He was mostly in my head but
I didn’t make him up.
He was an illusion, a delusion
An act, an actor.
But still—
He is someone…
He’s a man;
How low they go…
I have the evidence
To prove who he isn’t
But nothing of who he is.
A figment of his or
someone else’s
Imagination?
Or satan’s
Or God’s?
I won the game because
I found the trump card.
I know some truth
By proving the lie.
If I had folded
Before the game was over
I wouldn’t have known
I would always wonder
I do anyway.
He never said
He didn’t love me
He kept assuring me
Till the last day,
The last texting
I love you, but…
I think not.
There’s no ‘but’ with love.